From Innocent Joy to Duty and Responsibility - ADULTHOOD

Hi everyone am back like I never left. I hope everyone is staying safe and staying indoors, don’t worry this also shall pass away. If only we were still kids this indoors stuff and covid-19 will just be like a drama to us. Anyways how’s your adulthood going? Are you feeling you have been scammed .. lol your not the only one on this boat. We plenty die 😂

But wait o, can I have my childhood back? This adulting shit is exhausting. Adulthood is like a mirage; when you get there you’ll realize that it wasn’t what you thought it was. 

As a child, if there was one thing I was eager to achieve, it was to “grow up”. I looked up at my aunties and couldn’t wait to become one. You know, be able to stay out late, eat what I want, live alone; go wherever I wanted to go without my mum monitoring me.Those days, I hated the fact that I can’t hang out with my friends without my mum calling me every 5 minutes. I was tired of the constant nagging, the curfews, the house chores and yea I had to do it all because i am the only child. I had no one to talk to except my mum giving me instructions up n down. I just wanted to grow up and stay on my own. 

These days, evolving into an adult appears to be less a reality than a choice. Young people in their late teens and early twenties flirt like adults, go out and behave like adults, some people even increase their age. When they embrace it, they post it. It’s all right there on their Instagram feed: paying off a credit card, changing the oil in the car, having your own home,going to parties, making your own decision.... #adulting.

The first stage everyone is all happy that they’ve emerged as adults and they can do as they please. Then boom, reality sets in. Managing finances, relationships, career, family are some of the stark realities that accompanies the overrated adulthood. Many of us were not ready. It was almost as though we were thrust into it, even though it was all we dreamed of as children. That longing for unfettered freedom. A life devoid of parental curfews. The thrill of being able to go and come as one pleases and make decisions without necessarily having to explain oneself. They were the factors that made adulthood so appealing then.  Trust DSTV to cut you off if you as much as dare to delay payment for subscription for the next ten minutes after it expires. The Landlord whom you had a cordial relationship with when the going was good, would not think twice in throwing you out when you default for too long in paying his rent. Even seemingly loving boy-girl relationships turn sour when finance becomes an issue. You have to pay your transportation, buy your toiletries, buy food ... oh my GOD it’s exhausting honestly.

But sometimes I can’t help it but wonder why being an adult is so hard. Especially in our twenties we battle daily with set of failures, fears, and expectations. Twenties are tough, competitive, and existentially draining. 

I miss those days when I was a child, all I had to do was eat, sleep, play, go to school, chai I honestly miss those days without thinking of how to get money to feed the next day

Yes, life happens to the best of us. Expenses pile up, bills need to be paid, debts are incurred, and Ceasar needs his dues every now and then. It gets to be hectic and painful to face but this is just the beginning of life. 

The truth is not every one of us would figure it out, most would leave clueless, I guess that’s why they say the graveyard is the richest place. Firstly, understand that having money doesn’t mean you have discovered the true essence of life or how to live it and that not having money doesn’t mean you cannot truly enjoy life. BUT please have money 😂 even if it’s small. 

Maybe it's our understanding of what being an adult that needs to change. Does being a grown-up mean We have to be meanabout life too? Does it entail being serious all the time, managing family matters, having kids etc?

Although it’s not easy let’s try and enjoy this journey called adulthood. 

* do what makes you happy every little chance you get

* being an adult should not be such a hustle, don’t compare yourself with others in your age group, don’t pressure yourself.

* enjoy, eat, laugh, travel, read books. Just try as much as possible to enjoy this journey. 

Take life a step at a time.

It’s all an illusion. The liberty, the determination, the bag of money at the door. In fact growing up itself is an illusion. We only wanted to reach that age when we thought that we will have it all. At the time we couldn’t say exactly at what age we will have it all, and neither today, we can’t tell. 

Thanks for visiting my blog. I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to drop your comments. 

Follow me on IG @og__bella

Xoxo .....

LOVE: IS NOT EASY BUT ITS WORTH IT

                                                                                                                     

I have always wanted to write about love for some time now, but it’s hard expressing my feelings. Over the years I have thought to myself this love of a thing is it really worth it. At one point in my life I just felt that I don’t have to acknowledge the love that people showed me, but does the person knows you love them back? I say stuffs like she knows I love her or he knows I love him. But really do they know that? When was the last time you told your partner you love him/her? When was the last time you made them feel special like they are your highest priority? I learnt much late that telling someone how you feel about them makes everyone happy. I no longer hold back my feelings these days. It is hard for someone to love you if you are never there and it is hard to love someone who wants you with them all the time. It is not a sign of weakness to tell someone you love them or let them love you. I believe it is more than strength because you are confident enough in yourself that you allow yourself to be vulnerable. Love is not all you need in a relationship, you need mutual understanding, respect, compromise, sacrifice, willingness to work at it and stand by him or her when times get rough. You need to be willing to be by their side not only during the bright days but during the dark days, to encourage them to become the best version of themselves but also to love and accept them as they are. To have the impression that there is a perfect person somewhere that will come for you is to have the impression that relationships do not take work, when in fact no relationship has ever worked without work itself. Love isn’t all sunshine and blue skies, there will be lots of rain, thunderstorms, hurricanes and you’re just going to have to get used to it.

Life is messy, relationships are messy. The truth is the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why relationships and marriages fail. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they are out of money or under pressure. For goodness sake, love is something different. Love is choosing to be with someone in spite of their short comings. Love is patient and kind, love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and still wanting to be with that person. Love is never easy. It was never designed to be easy. It would be wrong for anyone to expect love to be simple and uncomplicated. Love is never going to be as smooth as a hot knife running through butter, if you really love someone is not a matter of convenience. It’s not only something you feel only when times are good if u feel so then you don’t love that person. When times are hard you pull those you love closer not away.

A strong relationship requires choosing to love each other even in those moments when you struggle like each other. If you are genuinely in love with someone, you won’t spend all day staring deeply into each other’s eyes. No, no, no you are going to have to stress yourself out trying to balance time and your energy for your relationship. You are going to have to deal with your career, your social life, your family and your finances including your relationship. Life isn’t a romantic Hollywood movie. In the real world there’s room for disappointments, broken promises, disagreements, arguments, fights, shattered dreams which can take a toll on your relationships you really have to fight to protect your love that you have for your partner.

Some say love should be easy but in many instances, it’s not the love that is difficult but rather getting it right causes turmoil and tears. We are incredibly and beautifully flawed humans, we mess up about twice as much as we wish we did and somehow it seems the only way we learn is the hard way. If you love deeply, you are going to get hurt badly. But it’s still worth it.

No matter how intimidating it may be to fall in love with someone, it’s always something that is worth fighting for. No matter the risks involved in falling in love, you must be able to take that bet. Love is the single most beautiful thing in the world that we could ever get to experience.

“True love is about vulnerability; allowing someone to see that you want and need them in your life, and trusting them not to hurt you”

Love is hard it’s like a job , so if you’re not ready to love let your partner know say ha no be love matter be this, look this is what I want, to reduce heart breaks in Nigeria Biko. Imagine you loving someone with all your heart making sacrifices and all and the person is thinking is a joke ha!!!!! Please o. But most importantly love is a beautiful thing *winks*

How do you feel about love, I want to hear your thoughts, please feel free to drop your comments.

Merry Christmas and prosperous New Year

IG @kristabellll2

XOXO BELLA

IS SEX A CRUCIAL PART OF A RELATIONSHIP?

                                                                                                                                    

Sex is an intimate experience, which can bring you closer to your partner not just physically but emotionally. Your bedroom chemistry can also improve the chemistry in your relationship. A sexless relationship can become vulnerable overtime and therefore, you need sex to keep the fire burning. With the kind of lives we live, stress has become an integral part of it. This often takes a toll on your relationship. Sex releases a FEEL GOOD chemical in the brain, which reduces stress levels. Instead of resorting to antidepressant, engage in a heated sex session to improve your well being and strengthen your relationship.

We associate good relationships with sexuality, assuming quite naturally that happy couples seemingly have sex more often than their miserable counterparts. But have you ever considered just what is it about sex that makes it beneficial to a relationship?. Research shows that everyday kissing, hugging, and touch between partners contributes uniquely to relationship satisfaction and overall well-being.

Is it sex itself or something about sexual activity that is so good for our happiness? You might argue that people who are happier are more likely to have sex more often, because they are in a good relationship and are satisfied with it.

Sex seems not only beneficial because of its physiological or hedonic effects…. But because it promotes a stronger and positive connection with the partner. Overtime such experiences build to strengthen the bonds between partners, meaning that their long-term relationship satisfaction is bolstered as well.

Sex is good for your health for example it increases your heart rate, burns calories, help you sleep better , it’s even associated with less sex. Not to mention, it promotes a stronger immune system and may help you live longer (smiles).

It forces you to communicate with addition to being a lot of fun; sex is an exercise in communication. During sex you regularly communicate to your partner about what you like and what you don’t like, what you like and what you want them to do. There’s nothing more intimate and vulnerable than communications your having during sex … it’s just uhm.. I don’t know how express it, its just so special (rolls eyes).

Reasons why sex is important in a relationship

1.     It can boost your confidence

Sex may not give you an automatically turn your BDE levels all the way up to Rihanna, but it can be an incredibly confidence boosting, body loving moment for some people. Most of us have degree of insecurity, whether is about our physical body or not. But being validated by someone that we love and trust can help build confidence, because self image has an impact on your sexual satisfaction.

2.     It makes you emotionally high

The blissful afterglow is one of the main reasons people do mega intense workouts. And it turns out you experience similar high after sex, thanks to the release of FEEL GOOD hormones.

Sex release dophamine in the brain, which increase your ambition and sense of happiness: testerone which improves your performance at work; and endorphins, which reduce your stress level and minimize pain. All these hormones together play a complex role in human pair bonding and essential I maintaining the glue of a relationship.

3.     Sex helps relieve stress

Don’t bother taking drugs for stress just engage sex with your partner. Sex releases oxyctocin in the blood stream, which promotes relaxation and stress relieve. In fact sex is similar to eating pleasurable food. Sex is beneficial to relationship as a whole. Even if stress is not relationship specific, it can interfere with how good you feel in it.

4.     Intimacy extends beyond the bedroom

Sex creates and intimacy feedback loop, the more intimacy you have in the bedroom, the more intimacy you’ll have outside the bed room. Sex predicts affection, and affection in turn predicts sexual activity. If intimate touch is how you express love and receive love for your partners, then sex is a gateway of how you share affection and love.

5.     You’ll get a better night sleep

A good night sleep is a foundation for a healthy lifestyle in no small part because it increases your mental well being, because you release a hormone called prolactin when you orgasm and this chemical can lead to deeper sleep. And increase mental well being means less irritability, which means you pick fewer fights with your partner.

Have sex its good for you and your partner, know what your partner wants and you guys should just have fun, feel free to be yourself. Do whatever works for you, sweet talk, fart, sing whatever it is that is your thing do it and just have fun and when you hit that spot then that feel good hormone will just immediately be in your system, and dont forget spice up your sex life *winks* topic for another day. 

Thanks for visiting my blog. feel free to drop your comments

connect with me on IG; @kristabellll2

XOXO

DOES GOD CARE?

                                                                

Does GOD care? Usually that is a question people ask when they are faced with seemingly insurmountable obstacles and calamities. Where is GOD when disaster strikes? Whether it comes wrecking havoc in our private world or whether we see it in mammoth proportions on our TV screen, we can’t help but question and wonder. Me? Does he even know I exist?”

The answer is “yes. He does know” he knows about your life and what happens to you though we cannot understand how GOD is deeply involved in the life of his people. It takes some faith, but you can now beyond doubt that the eternal GOD of the universe knows who you are. You can be assured that he cares for all you do or think.

We appear small and insignificant in the universe compared to deep space, massive oceans and astonishing array of life forms on earth, we might think ourselves unimportant. Even in a big crowd of people we can feel inconsequential. It is natural to wonder “does GOD really care about.

Does GOD care when tragedy sweeps in unexpectedly and tears at the very fiber of our being with inexpressible grief? The answer is “yes” yet to find the comfort he offers we must first get past the question. When JESUS walked this earth, he told his followers that in this world, there will be trouble. Since the beginning of time there has been struggle on this earth- germ and weeds, storms and insects, people’s problems and MONEY problems. The bible tells us that GOD sets things in motion on this earth. The seasons come and the seasons go and does not necessarily intervene in everyone.

Why does this happen? In Ecclesiastes 9:11 ”says the race is not for the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned, but time and chance happens to them all” life happens; the good and the bad.

WAS THIS GOD’S FAULT?

When we find ourselves appalled at the overwhelming things happening in life, we cannot always determine the source. It may be the world and the forces of nature set in motion at the foundation of the world; it may be consequences of our own flesh and choices we have made; it may be spiritual opposition from the enemy of our soul or it may come from the very hand of GOD.

We agonize over the possibilities as we seek to answer the heart wrenching, “why” yet we cannot understand GOD nor can we always determine the answer to the difficult “why” even though we try desperately.

The hope that we have in times of severe circumstances and agonizing grief is the knowledge that GOD does care and he will help us through. Often our unanswered questions leave us blaming GOD and we distance ourselves from the very one who can bring comfort to the anguished heart.

IS GOD ON OUR SIDE?

We know GOD sees everything that happens to us. Nothing is a surprise to him. he would intervene and stop the pain. We wish children did not die and loved ones are not lost. As our lives play out on planet earth we find ourselves with a choice to make. We can believe that GOD is a GOD of love or we can turn from him in anger. We can believe that is heart I always for us or we can believe he is cruel and mean. Running to him in the midst of our anguish will take us into his arms and comfort. Pushing him away will leave us alone with desperation in our souls. The main theme running through the bible is GOD’s great love for us. Over and over he tells us that his son JESUS, came to this heart to heal the brokrn hearted. Even king david known to be a man after GOD’s heart, went through times of great tears to the point that those around him questioned “where is your GOD?” psalm 42 yet he also knew how the lord took note of his anguish and recorded his tears psalm 56:8. He ran to GOD for strength in his despair.

When we simply cannot understand the twists and turns of our path we can run to the one who will anchor us. He doesn’t promise our lives will be free of trouble, yet he does promise to hold us close through it all. Never doubt GOD’s love and care. He hurts when we hurt. His son, JESUS, weng up the agonizing hill to the cross and understands the deep anguish the soul can plunge to. That’s why we can trust him to be with us in our times of overwhelming stress.

Hang in there! In psalms 139:1(living bible)  it says “you chart the path ahead of me” and verse 16 says you…scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe”. GOD knows all about it (your struggles) so hang in there! GOD says in Isaiah 54:7 (living bible) “ for a brief moment I abandoned you. But with great compassion I will gather you.

Since that is so. Don’t lose heart. Run with patience the particular life race that is set before you. Surmount the particular obstacles you are facing. Don’t let them way you down.

GOD CARES

Thanks for stopping by plese feel free to drop your comments.

Follow me on IG @kristabellll2

Till next time xoxo

PATIENCE

What is patience? Basically, patience is waiting with difficulties. It's confidence in yourself, with a good feeling of hope. It takes place during some difficult circumstances.

When a person says to himself calming words such as “it's going to be ok”, “every thing will be alright”, “I know that it will get better soon” or even a prayer will help you to be patient. It's convincing yourself with soothing and assuring remarks, where you can wait for results with ease.

Patience is very difficult at times, that is why it had been said that"patience is a virtue". It's something that people unfortunately don't have a lot of. Most of the people who are incapable to doing things on their own, such as people confined to a wheel chair tend to be more patient than those who are capable.

Just imagine a fully capable person who is hungry, or poor, big chance that person will steal instead of looking for a job, or be patient and pray that God will change things for them for the better. Incapability of doing things on your own, teaches a person to be patient.

Being incapable teaches a person to be patient. But, this is like an imposed patience, where you have no choice but to do so. I wanted to focus on how to learn to be patient.

One easy way, is to teach our children to be patient, where they have it as a habit when they grow up. Patience and discipline comes hand in hand. Patience could be a habit taught at a younger age.

If a person is brought up impatient, it means bad news. Why? Because you first have to brake this habit of being inpatient, which takes time but could be done. Remember! You have to be patient to become patient!

When a person endures time in difficult situation, it does not mean he or she should just sit there and wait for magic to happen to change it. Patience is doing something about the situation and wait for the result of what you did to fix it. Lets not mix patience with neglecting time.

Just listen to what people around the world and from all cultures say about patience.

-Patience is a virtue.

-Good thing comes to those who wait.

-Patience is the key to success.

-Those who are patient gets the best of what they deserve.

-If you try to learn to be patient, the world opens up to you.

-Be patient, and that patience will be rewarded.

Patience does magic with everything. Whether in loosing weight, quitting smoking, raising children or in any unexpected difficult circumstance. Just keep in mind, that patience will work wonders if you give it the time it needs. Time is a big factor in being patient,so amuse yourself while waiting, walk in the park, visit a friend, read a book or even pray to know that you are not alone, God is there for. Just get your mind occupied with things that you like to do and makes you happy.

To say patience is a virtue is an understatement. It’s really more of a skill—one that can be learned and needs constant nurturing.

Patience is the state of being that occurs between experience and reaction. Whether you’re trying to be patient with yourself, others, or life, it seems to always involve the experience of dealing with delays or obstacles.

By cultivating a practice of patience, you’re able to let go of things outside your control and live with less stress, anxiety, and frustration.

It’s not an easy practice, but here are a few perspectives on how to cultivate patience to open up new possibilities.

Practicing Patience with Yourself

When you look at what it means to have patience, you’re ultimately talking about dealing with your own thoughts and emotions. As a spiritual being, there is an unbounded, limitless presence within you that is constantly seeking expression.

As a time-bound, physical being, you have limitations for expressing this inner knowledge—constantly seeking instant gratification and spontaneous movement that doesn’t exist in the physical realm.

thanks for reading, pls feel free to drop your comments.

follow me on IG: @kristabellll2

xoxo

BE YOURSELF

" Be yourself" we hear it all the time. but are we really meant to be ourselves all the time? what about on a first date? lunch with your in-laws? when meeting an intimidating manager or client? a job interview?.

Obviously there are times where it is adaptive to protect your true self or your thoughts and feelings. some people and situations are unsafe and it is wise to hold back. As you become more aware of the circumstances in which you don a certain mask, don't be frustrated if you cant change your behavior right away. You've been likely being doing this for years perhaps your entire life. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

"when we are alone, instead of being ourselves  and fully enjoy ourselves, most of us yern for a relationship. however, in the relationship we hide vital part of ourselves behind a mask, and then wonder why we are unhappy. it is important that you learn to be yourself, because it is an indispensable element to having high esteem".

Being yourself what does it mean?

It is when you accept yourself as you are and you act according to your particular way of being, Without complexes, stereotypes or limitations of any kind. You are aware that you are different and you enjoy it. 

How do you feel when you appear within the context of life, are you really yourself? do you feel that you can be you, no matter the social situation you are in? faking your way through life is believing that if you let people know the real you, they wont like you. Maybe It seems that nothing you do is ever enough. the tapes that play in your head say that if people really knew  what was going on inside you, they would lose respect for you. maybe you keep trying to pretend to  make others happy and you are exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually. While you play those roles, juggling those mask you have to wear and hide your pain... the pressure increases to keep pretending you have it all together. Did you ever consider the cost of your soul when you do this? the way you lose yourself? you would discover your true identity unless you identify and lay down those masks.

Being yourself is an individual identity

Just as all people have the right to a name and number of single card there is also and identity of your personality. You have to make an effort to find yourself. when you visualize and fulfill purposes then you have the power in your hands to accomplish great things.

Being yourself should not mean having a closed mind

Rather the opposite should happen because your divine identity is much more than appearances. When you explore your inner, you build an open mind that allows you to understand the universe better and take actions that hep to help in a very small portion.

Learning to be yourself is essential to your personal development

Your way to express yourself and doing things is unique so by working to refine your innate ability can get amazing things. If there is a moment in which you focus on the goals that leads you to success, then you already have learned to be yourself. 

Do not waste time seeking the pleasure in something you do not like

If you don't like something, don't do it, you can get good advice only if they are in line with your aspirations.

Everyday when you wake up, you are to be yourself, you dress the way you want to dress, you wear your hair the way you want, you walk out the door with hopes that your inner self will align with your external world. But as much as you want to admit that you do things for yourself, you cant help but wonder what others would think if you wear a certain piece of clothing or a certain type of hair. i don't know why but you cant help but create these internal struggles that only you can see or feel. You don't want to believe that these thoughts are your truth, but they sometimes take precedence. even though you don't compare yourself to others usually, you cant help but feel that you have to act, talk or LOOK a certain way to be allowed to be part of someone else's world instead of just trusting yourself that you are enough to be loved for who you are. So ,how can you be yourself in a world that might possibly want to change you? because truthfully the only person you should be seeking reassurance from is you and you alone.

1.  Only say things you mean

Nothing is more damaging to your self worth than saying things you don't mean, this goes hand in hand by trying to please others because you are afraid to rub someone the wrong way. Being true to your values and ethics is the greatest gift you can give yourself, it allows you to be open and honest with yourself.

2. Take a break from social media

It can be hard to find your voice when your constantly consuming others thoughts and options. While social media platforms like Instagram, snap-chat, Facebook are there to connect you with other like minded people, they can easily  damper your day when you see something that could trigger a negative thought pattern. For example your mates driving the latest cars, wearing the latest shoes and clothes and you start thinking of a way to meet up to their standards therefore disturbing yourself and inner peace. To avoid these TAKE A BREAK

3. Accept your personality traits

Take time , know if you re an introvert or an extrovert or an ambivert (the blend of the two). give yourself permission to own this and know when you either need an alone time or more time with people. Knowing who you are simply puts you in a position to make choices that compliments your preferences. While an extrovert may strive by filling up their social calendar, an introvert might benefit from prioritizing some Netflix night and chill.

4. Be kind to yourself and appreciate who you are

At the end of the day , you should be kind and no touring to yourself while you are trying to figure out how to become like yourself. Don't beat yourself up, or compare yourself to someone else when it seems so easy for them to be open and honest with their thoughts. Remind yourself to focus on your own journey, do everything in your power to find your voice and take the next step to live your live as you've always wanted to.

"always be a first version of yourself , not a second rate version of someone else"- Judy Garland

The world is a shit place.

It will want you to be a lot of things but not yourself.

It will want you to compromise your goals.

It will say anything too high is bad.

It will say stop smiling, your problems are too big,

It will keep your focus looking on all the wrong things.

Wishes and dreams that are yet to come through.

And i know you can manage but this you don't have too.

You think your weird or you don't belong, i guess you are yet to meet the rest of us, we are misfits too

You don't have to compromise your goal.

You don't have to be like everyone else.

You don't have to conform.

That place you belong , you will find it.

Just be yourself.

Your time will come.

"it is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not"- Andre Gide

i hope you enjoyed it. please i would love to see your comments

XOXO..BELLA

IG: @KRISTABELLLL2

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